Hi, I just discovered I can do password protected posts, which will free me up a bit.
If you’re a close friend, and you want the password, let me know and I’ll email it to you…
Hi, I just discovered I can do password protected posts, which will free me up a bit.
If you’re a close friend, and you want the password, let me know and I’ll email it to you…
I’ve been assigned to write a proposal for a video project that can be done in the City College studio and/or campus, and I also want to do my daily blog update, so I’ll just combine the two. The following is some brainstorming which may not make sense to you or me, but it must be done.
THE VIDEO: Music video for “She Loves You But…” A minimalist, comedic montage of desolate loneliness spliced with joyous freedom.
?(Dance moves. A scene w/two people doing a sad dance. i.e. ”She” hands him a big paper heart, “He” takes it in one hand, reaching for her crotch with the other. She darts out of his reach, He clutches the heart. She dances. Perhaps I will play both characters, possibly Harry and Margerie. Perhaps I’ll make a love triangle and will add Lucy to the mix.)?
Perhaps Harry is in a college classroom, sitting at a desk among far younger college students. A cell phone rings. He reaches into his bag, pulling out a phone(an old school home phone, perhaps a rotary), thinking it’s his. A girl next to him answers her phone, looking lively and titillated. We can tell she is on the phone with her sex partner.
THE INTENDED MESSAGE: It’s tomfoolery, intended to amuse and entertain, simultaneously poking fun at and embracing current pop trends by featuring extremely downtrodden, disenfranchised characters in a song with a trendy beat and lyrics only slightly more pronouncedly ridiculous than those that dominate the pop charts and airwaves.
THE AUDIENCE: 20-30 somethings. Alternative comedy fans. (Is there such a thing as alternative comedy now? Or has everything alternative and rebellious been infiltrated by mainstream media, corporation-ified and diluted into mind numbing, brain putrefying hogwash?) Youtube viewers.
SHOTS: Some school stuff. i.e. Harry brings Margerie an apple, she bites it and sits. He tries to sit on her, she dodges him, he falls down. A shot of him gazing at her while she gazes out the window. the bell rings, class ends, Lucy runs out, Harry chases her. Perhaps Margerie is the teacher. Perhaps Lucy is another student. Dance shots in the studio. Green screen, dreamlike sequences.
TALENT: I can play a few characters. We need some extras, which we can cast with our classmates.
CREW: We need a camera operators and a DP. I’ll plan the shots and will edit it, please..?
Ok, thank heavens for this blog. It made doing a homework assignment feel like nothing. I need to stretch this out a wee bit, plan the shots better and expand it to a 2 page paper, but there’s no reason I can’t do that by tomorrow night. Peace.
I got my reply from Kirk Cameron in the most devastatingly impersonal way– a Tiger Beat magazine centerfold featuring Kirk reclining on a massive bed of fan mail, holding a gigantic postcard with a glittery proclamation–”Kirk, I’m your #1 Fan!” I knew nothing in the needy letter I’d scrawled in desperation outweighed this sparkling atrocity.
The background was pink, and he perched his toothily grinning, self-satisfied face on a handsome hand.
I stared into his 2 dimensional eyes and knew he’d never be mine.
Update: Kirk Cameron is now an active Christian evangelist and is a partner in running the Way of The Master ministry.
It’s probably for the best he didn’t come and get me–seems we’re not as compatible as I’d presumed.
Click here to take a quiz and see if Kirk Cameron thinks you’re going to hell!
I’ve hurt my finger and was only able to use my left hand in the shower this morning. I’m right-handed, and this was more ridiculously difficult than you might think!
The #1 bus was crammed to a vulgar degree. Bags and large guts poked me, armpits hovered as bristly people grabbed the grimy overhead bars. I stood and hovered my own armpit over a small woman with Down’s syndrome who was picking skin off of her fingers, which were flaky and red, fingernails picked down to nubs. After a few stops, her caretaker screamed at her to get up and get off! Overwhelmed, I promptly sat in her vacated seat quickly, and the elderly couple sitting on both sides of me started shouting at each other in Chinese. Suddenly, I smelled the most unseemly of odors which seemed to be coming from my seat. I jumped up shrieking. The bus laughed like a callous, overjoyed whale (the vehicle itself), shaking me in its belly. I looked down at the seat–a touch of dampness, no rusty puddle, thank heavens.
What the hell did I sit in?
“Jesus Christ!” I yelled, and ran to the back of the bus–I noticed the elderly couple were angling to look at my ass to see if I had sat in diarreah.
I hadn’t but this was horrible, and I was running too late to go back home and change.
I came barking into work with my hair on fire. Kaila checked out my ass and said she didn’t see or smell anything foul, but I still asked that she help spray me down with lysol, which I ordinarily loathe.
I have never been so happy to come home and one-handedly wash my own ass.
I got the hiccups at work today and Gabe showed me how to cure them! Nothing has ever worked so fast!
Take a cup of water, fill it with at least four ounces, put your bottom lip against the side of the cup that’s furthest from you, bend your head down toward your toes, and drink upside down.
The sensation is insane, mighty good for a laugh, and it worked immediately!
He learned this as a kid on Sesame Street. I couldn’t find that episode, but I did find this:
Verse:
It’s five fifty-two and you look at your phone
try to hide deny it to yourself you know you’re alone
feel the cold inside the blood don’t rush it clings to the bone
grab the paper hide your face sit on the porcelain throne
Chorus:
She loves you but she don’t want to be with you
(be with you. ooo)
She loves you but she don’t want to be with you
(be with you. ooo)
Verse:
It’s six thirty-one and you look at your plate
you gotta piece of broccoli and a burnt piece of steak
look over at the table your inflatable date
she sees you got no room for food
when you’re so full of hate
Chorus:
She loves you but she don’t want to be with you
(be with you. ooo)
She loves you but she don’t want to be with you
(be with you. ooo)
Bridge:
How many roads must a man walk down
before he can walk up inside yours
And how many seas must a white dove sail
before she’ll sail through your bedroom doors
And how many times must the cannon balls fly
before she wants to fly to YOUR cannon balls, too?
the answer my friend–she won’t blow you in the wind
cuz she loves you but she don’t want to be with you.
(sung part…? she loves you but she doesn’t want to be with you! uh uh uh how many ways has she got to say she doesn’t want to be pressed against you? uh uh uh you didn’t make her feel right she had to turn on the light she said no thank you tonight and every other single night she loves you more than herself but she needs somebody else, so just move on move on move on…?)
Verse:
It’s eight forty-seven and the phone still don’t ring.
standing by the window holding onto your thing
like a dying autumn leaf tryin to remember the spring
a yellow chicken realizing it can’t fly with its wings because
Chorus 2x
(SONG COMING SOON)
I laughed harder than I’ve ever laughed in my entire life today, over something entirely ridiculous.
My co-worker is a big fan of Rick Springfield, and Look! You can take a 5 day cruise with him, if you like!
She was checking out the scoop online, dreaming aloud of bearing his love child.
I had a thought.
“What would you rather do…” and promptly doubled over laughing.
“Oh, Caila’s coming out with the what would you rather do’s! Would I rather what.”
I kept laughing, I couldn’t speak. After some time unmanageably trying to choke out the words with much encouragement from my friend, I finally spat it out as quickly as possible.
“What would you rather do if you had to do one of the following: Rick Springfield’s face in your butt or your face in Rick Springfield’s butt.”
She said “I would never want his face in my butt, I’d be horrified he would hate my butt and would never talk to me again. I’d have to put my face in Rick’s butt and I’d be so happy.”
I said “What if it was a guarantee he would not even have any sort of judgement activator in his brain, he’d be happy, you’d just feel the sensation of Rick Springfield’s face in your butt, that’s all.”
“I would NEVER want his face in my butt. I would just put my face in his butt, that’s all.”
At this I laughed so hard I fell down on the ground. I thought I might die, I about blacked out, there was no oxygen, and my heart hurt. I felt my face wrinkle up and contort in a hundred raisin like positions and had to run to a corner, hiding my head in my arm, crying with insane laughter, until I could function.

Somebody is hammering next door, and I am going insane with self-righteous fury over it. It’s nearly eleven, HOW FUCKING DARE THEY?! Moments like these, I hate living alone. If I had a roommate to back me up, I’d go over and knock and say in the politest tone possible: “Hi, it’s late, and I need to sleep. Could you please hold off on that until tomorrow? Thank you.” And everything would be just fine.
I keep meaning to tell the building manager about annoying late night noise, but I don’t want to call too late and wake him up. In the morning when I arise, I’m preoccupied with my daytime problems and put it off. Maybe now that I’m pissed off enough to blog about it, I’ll actually be empowered to call the guy tomorrow. If I keep putting it off, I may go completely insane.
I wonder if it’s some punishment from the universe for my attempt to take a picture of that guy’s hand.
Then again, people do much nastier, more evil things and seem to float through their lives.
What do I know?
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