I celebrated the turn of this holiday on the phone with Gina. We missed the moment to do the countdown, so we did a count up. Here’s a little video I made of the moment with a couple potentially distracting fancy new effects, and some video I shot today when walking through Lafayette Park.
Modern technology is numbing my brain.
For those of you who missed out, this is how I spent last New Year’s Eve.
Can’t tell if life is getting better–I did take a yoga class with all the panters and moaners and had a Chinese meal with a friend, in all fairness..
This post is potentially embarrassing, but I’ll write it anyway because what have I got to lose, really?
The children who attended the Open House at the Mission Culture Center were perplexed as to what I was doing.
One little girl asked “What are you doing?”
Me: “This is it. I am staying on this heart all day.”
Her: “Why?”
Me: “It’s Valentine’s day, and for some people, it is a happy day with dinners and flowers and candies. Not for everybody though. For some this is a sad, dark lonely time. This is for those people.”
She looked at me the way you might look at a crazy person if you’re alone with herand there’s nobody around with whom to make meaningful eye contact. She asked why I was doing this here. I told her I wanted to do it in a junkyard but the people at the junkyard didn’t get back to me.
One little boy marched up to me when I held the sign that said “I’m staying on this heart all day and only leave when I have to go to the bathroom. I have gone to the bathroom one time.”
He said “What do you want?”
Me: “What do you mean?”
Him: “I don’t know what you want. What are you doing? Why did you go to the bathroom only once? Do you live here? Is this where you sleep?”
Another little boy’s mom liked my signs. She’d come up and read them out loud to him. As they left, I was holding the “I am nobody. Somebody has to be a nobody, then when nobody loves you, somebody does” sign. His mom read it to him and he growled at me ferociously. He said “I’m gonna RIP THAT UP!!!” I growled back at him, not in a mean way, mind you. I said “Do it” and held the paper out to him and his mom kept him from it. He yelled repeatedly, jumping up and down as she dragged him away “I’m gonna rip it! I’m gonna RIP UP the paper!!”
Hector saw this. We had a good laugh.
aside–Fortunately, almost every time there was some sort of odd incident, somebody else was there to laugh with me. A few people brought me beverages, too.
I will mention that I didn’t feel at all crazy for doing any of this until at the very end when I re-packed up my suitcases, exhausted to get back on the bus home. I wondered “What the hell is compelling me to do such things?”
Most of it, anyway. Took place over 5 hours. Details must be lost in the wash.
I packed a backpack, suitcase, and the 5 foot canvas heart to bring to the space–(the Mission Cultural Center for Latino Arts). Called my friend John at the last minute when I realized how heavy the stuff was to see if I might get a ride. He was busy. So I dragged all of it–amp, microphone, insane-amount-of-battery-eating boombox, extra batteries, art supplies, paper, extra hearts and all sorts of clothing, accessories, umbrella(it’s been pouring sporadically)–to the bus stop, onto the lurching danky bus, onto the BART train, up a long ass staircase, to the Center.
The security guard recommended I set up outside, in a little painted nook, as there would be a band playing right outside the center, and he thought my presence would lure in street traffic. I agreed to this. It’s a nice little space!
I set up the area. The sign with the pink heels as paperweights says “Valentine’s Day Alienation–I’m taking it all on so you don’t have to. armchairperformer.com”
The hearts were designed/spray painted/stomped on/rolled over with tires by the wonderful Jenny Mitchell.
The pic on the right occured a few hours into the piece. Everything got a touch cluttered.
I brought a cd of some of my music, including a piece I put together special for the event. The following video is a montage of usable video clips set to that piece of music. I spliced it in and out of the band’s music. When they started playing, it paused my spoken performance, which gave me time to dance, awkwardly hold signs, do sit ups ,and lie down and stare at the sky. In spite of all the clothing I lugged along with me, I decided to just stay dressed in the clothing I had on. I did paint my face more dramatically than usual.
I made the signs spontaneously. When I felt they’d served their purpose, I shredded them and stuffed the entrails into a lace heart-shaped pillowcase. Some of the messages I recall writing:
“I have fear I nobody I’ll love will ever love me.–anonymous” (this one drew in a man who said he knew the feeling. I asked him to tell me his heartbreak story and then regretted it, as the resentment-ridden tale of crack addiction went on for a mighty long time. I finally told him this story was getting a bit too epic and he went away. I didn’t ask anyone else to tell me a story.)
“Happy Valentine’s Day. I have to go to the bathroom.”
“Smile! Somebody loves you! (probably)”
“I love my grandma.
My grandma loves me.
I love you.
My grandma loves you.
Do you love me? Do you love my grandma?”
“I have remained on this heart all day. I only get off of it to go to the bathroom. I have gone to the bathroom one time.”
“I am nobody. Somebody has to be a Nobody. Then, when Nobody Loves You, Somebody Loves You!”
I did read Love Stories From Hell people sent me. Due to the presence of children, I had to edit certain matters.
A number of people asked me what I was doing. I basically said “This.”
I’d like to write about the childrens’ reactions… Maybe tomorrow. I am so sleepy.
Five hours in the cold on the heart, only one trip to the bathroom.
More soon! I need to meditate, then I’m considering taking Mr. Fantastic (my inflatable man, to those of you just tuning in) out to the movies to celebrate.
A handsome, witty gentleman greeted me at the diner. I still am not sure what his name is. He had an envelope with him.
I did in fact break out into a sweat. Nerves. Plus, it was warmer out today, and I’d walked swiftly in an unnecessary jacket. I almost immediately had to run to the facility to wipe my brow.
I returned and he pulled out an inkblot Rorscharch test. I drew a bumblebee. He drew a twist between a dog and elephant.
Here are the bulk of pictures we communicated through..
Valentine’s Day is the next shitass holiday drugstores are telling us to get excited about.
Grandma too, she even says “Caila I wish you’d advertise yourself on the Internet and find a man before it’s too late.”
I have been single for a VERY LONG TIME.
I’ve become set in my ways, like a lonely old woman with her cats minus the age, minus the cats.
I honestly don’ t even know if I could DO being With somebody at this point.
But in the name of this upcoming so-called-holiday, in the name of The Church of Walgreens, in the name of human need for ritual being brilliantly reduced to sheer profanity, I am gonna go ahead and give it the good old college try!
Quick song edit, Quick routine atop the refrigerator.
Experiment #1:
Just posted an ad on Craigslist as Follows.
“Performance Artist Seeking Experimental Date Prior to Valentine’s Day. – 230
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Reply to: ……@craigslist.org [?]
Date: 2009-01-09, 12:55AM PST
Let’s meet for brunch. On this date, we must not exchange a single word except to the waiter/waitress for the ordering process. I suppose we can draw [wholesome] pictures for each other to communicate.
I tend to get painfully jealous of the Academy Award Winners. I quelled it this year with an acceptance speech for an Oscar Like Thing of my very own.
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