On the November I moved to New York, I wrote the first draft of a novel, entitled “Chicks!! With Dicks!” Here’s a choice segment:
“I am bouncing one of those super balls against the wall. It keeps hitting me on different parts of my body. My belly! my breast! my forehead! I broke my glasses, but it didn’t phase me. I would not stop with the ball for this. I won’t drop the ball. Toss toss toss! I am reckless. Nothing in the world scares me anymore. Everything I loved disappeared, or so it seemed. But everything I loved was a figment of my imagination, so I could imagine it up again. And now, here I am in this cracking dirty white room playing naked with my royal blue ball, period’s running out of my penis, spilling wet pellets on the ground, a very nationalistic picture. I whip the ball against the wall, and it busts my nose. The sun sets. My nose dribbles a streamline of blood all over my chest. I don’t wipe it off. The sun rises.”
This is one of the more pleasant paragraphs… My creativity was a lot nastier, darker and more fragmented then, as it was the only means I had for purging the negativity from my brain and being.
I want another prolific phase. I haven’t done stand-up in over a month, and now I feel rather phobic and disdainful about doing it again. It’s gratifying, but I get so anxious it’s damn near intolerable. I want a big creative project soon… Hopefully, I’ll get into a class or two at city college next week and it’ll fire me up at least a wee bit.







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